After my dad left me and my mom several months ago, I found out that life is tough. The world so mean and cruel. Money takes control on everything. But somehow, I felt glad that Dad taught me everything before he died. He taught me about car – even I’m still not good at all, but at least I try. He taught me the route of the street. He always remind me to be an honest person. Honesty is priceless. After that, he always said to me, that he hadn’t chance to study to college, that’s why he told me to never stop learning in anything. He believed that knowledge is the truly legacy.
He ever said to me, “Dear child, I have nothing. My wealth is mortal. What I can give to you is to pay your school and what is embedded in your brain. Be a smart person, then success will following you. I know, you’ll become a great person one day.”
We were born on the exact same date, November 16th. He diagnosed cancer from 2001. He fought for his illness around 9 years before finally he met his Creator. He always been a patient man. Keep his dignity and his family’s with sincere. I accompanied my dad on his last moment. What he have been already decide for me always for my own good. I believe, God took him because my Dad and God knew that I’m ready facing this evil world.
What should I know, have been taught. Only one thing that I’m not very sure, who’s gonna be his ‘replacement’? He always knew what’s right for me. So, who’s gonna be my future husband? For the matter fact, this always been my major issue for my life. I often failed on having relationships with someone. I don’t know whether because we just don’t fit each other, or maybe I have bad habits and attitudes or perhaps I just too picky.
Getting older I am, getting narrow my chances and opportunity on seeking a perfect man as I want to. All I ask is just a simple guy, who loves me as myself, gentle, reliable and trustworthy, post-graduate, having his own incoming, humorist.
I felt a bit envy to see my friends who already marriage or even having children as light of their path. Many of them are blessed while others also live in hell because of their own family matters. Not enough with these things, well, now I become the only one who earns money for living. In addition, I’m not so really get along with my mother in any conditions but I’m trying so hard to get used to about it.
So, I always thought that I need a shoulder to cry on, someone to rely on, a warm barely hands to hold my hands and so on. Am I shallow? Am I pathetic? Does my dad wanna see me like this? I’ve always judged as a heart-stony woman. My life which created me like what I am. As I back on my memories, I’ve been taught to not lose compare to males. Be strong. Be optimistic. Get what you want as hard as you can be. Is it my fault now, for being a stubborn woman?
Somehow, even the greatest waterfalls not only consist of rocks but water also. Sometimes it calm as danger as well. No matter which part of it, but still, we need water to live. From the power that made by its stream, can create electricity.
But now, I’m on my own edge. I love my life. My days. Be grateful for everything. Eat more. Think positive always. Bury all distractions. Cure myself. I believe Lord still give me more times to make my mother proud and see my children grow.
I’m not regretting for all what ever happen to me, I took it as my knowledge and experience, so I’ll be better on facing life than other person. I don’t care if there is no more left person who loves me, but I always knew that God always there for me. He will love me until the end of time no matter what.
Dad, I’m so proud of you. Mom, I love you. Brother thank you for everything that you ever taught to me. I’ve been through the worst thing in my life, so I shall be ready facing another test from the Almighty. Prepared myself by faith.
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